Tony Blews (A.J.Blews@soc.staffs.ac.uk) HTML: http://tardis.soc.staffs.ac.uk/ Phone: +44(0)1785 275346 (from Jan 9th: +44(0)1785 353346) From alt.gothic Thu Jan 5 23:03:28 1995 Path: darkstar.UCSC.EDU!agate!sunsite.doc.ic.ac.uk!nntp0.brunel.ac.uk!strath-cs! news.staffs.ac.uk!cmtajb From: cmtajb@soc.staffs.ac.uk (A.J.Blews) Newsgroups: alt.gothic Subject: Goth Jokes list (again...) Date: 5 Jan 1995 09:34:01 GMT Organization: Staffordshire University Lines: 96 Message-ID: <3egee9$e0a@bs33n.staffs.ac.uk> NNTP-Posting-Host: tardis.soc.staffs.ac.uk X--Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2] Goth Joke List version 1.0 compiled by Tony Blews, A.J.Blews@soc.staffs.ac.uk from posts on alt.gothic Jokes contributed by: mac4jak@cabell.vcu.edu (Jennifer A. Knipper), bathory@utkvx.utk.edu, jason@sable.adelphi.edu (Doktor Fautus), mckeeman@netcomm.com (Weasel Boy), steveb@io.org (Steve Benesko), vamp@gothic.acs.csulb.edu (VampLestat), A.J.Blews@soc.staffs.ac.uk (Revenant), kla4f@fermi.clas.Virginia.EDU (Kristin Leigh Adolfson) gastlycrum@aol.com (Gastlycrum), dextra@geeklove.jammys.net trf5@columbia.edu (R Serling) What do you call a goth lying in the road? A speed bump. Two goths are walking down the road, one says "I just bought the new Love Like Blood CD." The other says "F_ck me, a talking goth!" How do you get a goth out of a tree? Cut the rope! Theres a goth walking down the road with a rat on his shoulder. An old lady walks past, stops, stares at the two and says "Yeuk! What are you doing with that revolting creature?" "Squeak squeak squeak!" says the rat. What do you store your heavy velvet cape in for the summer? Goth balls. Why is it so hard for goths to get work? Because all they can do is mope the floors are depress the buttons. What did the vampire say when he looked in the mirror? "So nice not to see you again" Wayne Hussey dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates, he meets up with Gabriel who gives him the grand tour of heaven. While toruing he sees many familiar faces including Jimi Hendrix, Ian Curtis, Mary Shelly, and of course Nick Fiend kinda shows up once in a while... And then he sees Andrew Eldritch Sitting on a HUUUGE throne.. Wayne Says to Gabriel "I didn't know Andrew was dead!" Gabriel replies, "Oh, that's God(tm) He only thinks he's Andrew" What's another name for a gothgirl? A Crow-ho. What do goths buy at the liquor store when they don't have much cash? Crow-Magnums. "Waiter! Waiter! There's a dead squid in my soup!" "It's not dead Sir, it's just dreaming." And now, the seemingly unending list of lightbulb jokes: How many goths does take to change a lightbulb? What's a lightbulb? How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb? Three, oneto change it and two to talk about Lord Byron's Grand Tour and creative uses of laudinum in a metaphysical environment. How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb? None, but one has to light the candle. How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they'd rather sit in the dark and cry. How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just embrace the darkness. How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to replace the UV tube, and one to put Floodland on. How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb? , we have candles. How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb? None, the lights wouldn't be one anyway. How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb? Dunno, but I see them all practicing at Slimelight, while dancing to the Sisters. The raise their arms in a stretching way towards the ceiling, twisting their wrists and returning their arm to their mid-rift, while walking backwards and swaying in the murky darkness. How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to do it, the other to bitch about how Andrew Eldritch could have done it better.